Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
