I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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