they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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