mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
