Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
