Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
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He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
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I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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