This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
