it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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