If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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