my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
what day is it and did you see me today?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Best friends brother. Beat that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
