I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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