I wish I could teleport
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
