Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
