We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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