Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
