the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
