I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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