...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
