Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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