dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
