how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
