i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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