my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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