Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Your penis caused this!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
