I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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