What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
