I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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