i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
