You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
