Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
