My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
