so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
