May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize