I'm really into asian looking animals
You can't special order awesome
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
