the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
