Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
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He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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