question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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