My boss' voice literally gives me gas
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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