it was like his penis was on wheels.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
