What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
