She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
