hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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