if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
