his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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