Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
