PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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