I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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