I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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