One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i will never coherently bang her
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
