FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
