i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just want to make out with him forever
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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