I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
