i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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