Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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