Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
