I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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