Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
