ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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