Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
