I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
