census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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