DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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