I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
