I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
