if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
