My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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