Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
