My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
